I have worked on sewing contentment for MANY years, knowing that it is the bottom line in this life, to be satisfied, to stop the hunger for more. In many ways, I feel I have really come far, and, if you have read any of my blogs,  you can probably sense how much I count my blessings, my ‘diamonds’. Envy is probably my biggest challenge, and it has gotten more difficult since my husband, Larry, died of cancer at the age of 60, three months after his planned retirement date. I envy those who still have their mates. I look at them and I want to be walking around the block with Larry in the morning and evening, like they do in my little neighborhood. I want to sit at the couples’ table at neighborhood functions, taking it all for granted, belonging with no effort. It takes a bit more effort to sit at the widows’ table, which I will do, tonight, or to plan going out to dinner with them. It takes texts, calls, coordinating….. I want to go out to restaurants, just the two if us, instead of with two widow friends…but I still work hard at irradicating this, immediately grounding myself in my own abundance, not lack. It isn’t that I don’t want couples to have their blessing. I just want to have it also. Sometimes I ask myself, ‘Why can’t I?” However, I tell myself that God knows best, that he has given an incredible GIFT to both Larry and I, if we could only see from God’s perspective. He is excited about the gift he has given us. How dare I be shortsighted and think it is in any way deficient? What father, if asked for bread, will give his child a stone? God didn’t cause Larry’s death, but he figured out how he could use it for the best, for both of us, so here we are, ‘on a break.’

I am not sure of all the ramifications yet, but I know Larry got a super retirement package, and, if I will quit looking out my car’s rear window,  I will become aware that God is driving my car. I will see that I, too, have a pretty sweet life here in Georgia. The past is past, but the cool thing is that, the more I square myself to look out the front window, the closer I become to Larry, because, now, he isn’t in my past. He’s in my future. It’s going to be glorious and it’s going to be FOREVER. That’s a very, very long time. “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord FOREVER.” These are precious, RARE times I am living right now, free to learn things I couldn’t have learned without Larry.

Who knows what it will be like? Will we remember these times fondly, when God did a mighty work in us, when we were relying on God to lead us through these ‘bad neighborhoods?’ God is driving. We’re not stopping. We’re just passing through on our way to Eternity, and, with God driving, we’ll get there.  Perhaps people will sometimes share their bittersweet memories of their time on Earth, when we walked by faith, not by sight, for, in Heaven, we will be walking right INTO our faith. We will wear it like our skin. It will have become a part of us that we never take off.

Having a baby is anything but pleasant, but we manage to look back on it fondly. The times when we were young and struggled for money, we look back on that fondly, too, and, sometimes long for it, once again, because there was something precious in it that we didn’t realize at the time. These were times when we became more than we ever thought we could. God gave us a challenge and we rose to meet it.

That’s exactly what’s happening now with my singleness challenge, and, at the age of sixty-six, I have learned a lot more about trusting God than ever before. Is it because of my age? No. It’s because of those challenging circumstances God put me in. I took something very precious from each of those situations. Satan meant them for bad. Birth pains? A curse, but we know how God altered that one. Not having enough money? Satan asks us to curse God and die, but, now, we know better. God will walk us right through that bad neighborhood.

In the Bible, it says to thank God for these difficulties when they come. Who hasn’t said before, “IS HE NUTS? NOT ONLY WILL I NOT, I CAN’T!” But, hopefully, as you read this blog and these examples, at least you will be able to see why he says that….because it turns out good. In the movie, “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel,” Simit Patel, the Hotel Manager, has a quote that he says over and over again. “Everything will be all right in the end. It it’s not all right, it is not yet the end.”  Exactly.

I am working on this envy problem. Often, I have to change the channel, switching over from lack to abundance. I reflect on my blessings and, in faith, rely on God to keep his promises for my life. If it isn’t all right, it’s because it isn’t yet the end.

I’ve seen God’s work. Here’s the bottom line: my life is in a perfect trajectory that’s going to end up exquisitely, and, now, it’s absolutely perfect for me. I am learning the lessons I need to be ready for an Eternity of joy. One day, I will see why and understand how every puzzle piece fit, and I will sit around, bragging with others about how it all fit in perfectly with God’s plan. Now, he is my life planner, right by my side. He’s in the driver’s seat. I have no worries. I’m on the right path, my future secure. I don’t have to worry about anything. Let that sink in. ANYTHING. You name it. God knows. He’s using it all to your benefit. You can bite your nails with anxiety. You can look out the rear view window as if all of your happiness lies in the past. God can drive a confident, relaxed passenger or he can drag your unwilling carcass through life with you a broken down mess. If you choose that method, your view of this world will be only the dust from whence you came. Be confident. Be assured. Look up. Enjoy the ride.

You’re just passing through.